Hey there....

Hello!

I want to start out by saying this blog is in no way meant to cause problems. I am NOT going to point fingers or pass blame. I have only created this to literally pour my heart out there for you (Josh and Monica) to see and hopefully smooth things out for both of us and foremost for OUR (Josh, Monica and Sandi’s) children.

I do not hate either of you; in fact I am very proud of you both for fulfilling your dream of going through the temple. That takes a lot of time, devotion and dedication. Congratulations and I am very happy for you! I only hope that one day I can fulfill my dream of going through the temple and be as lucky as the both of you.

Monica, I wanted to thank you for being such a great Step-Mom to my kids. I don’t know if you know or not, but my parents divorced when I was less then a year old and my dad was remarried when I turned 3 and my mom was remarried when I turned 7. My Step-Mom is a very important role in my life as was my Step-Father who has since passed away. I am very proud and happy that Josh found you and that you agreed to take on the kids, that is a very hard role for someone to do and do it as wonderfully as you have. You are a good influence on them. :-)

I do hope and pray for you every night with your pregnancy and I hope everything will be ok. My heart broke when I read about what happened on January 21st. Babies are Gods best and most delicate creation that he could bless us with and I believe that every woman who is a great mom (like yourself) should be able to experience it. You will NEVER know how much you can actually love someone until you see your own eyes staring back at you, so be prepared for the overwhelming feelings! Please, if you ever need anything, please let me know. And thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for being there for OUR kids!

Josh, I wanted to say that I forgive you for all that happened in our marriage and I hope that you can forgive me. I honestly believe that the reason the domestic violence happened was because we were so young and did not know what to do or how to cope. I do not hold any resentment towards you and I hope you hold none towards me. I hope we can move forward and get along for the kids sake.

Now what I am struggling with is that, and I am being totally honest here, I do hold a lot of resentment and anger for your parents (particularly your Father), but I am working on overcoming my feelings towards them. I feel that most of our problems stemmed from them and you seeing the D.V. towards your mother from your father, therefore trickling down. There was a lot of things that they have done to the kids and I throughout our marriage and after that I am not sure that I am ready to forgive them for as of yet. I wish your brother, sister and their family well and I hope everything goes well for Liz in her pregnancy and have no hate or discontent with them.

Now regarding the comment in your blog about Mediation, I am sorry for accusing you (Josh)and your family of harassing my boyfriend and I with calling of DCFS. With all that happened with you calling of the police and they saying they there for the same accusations from DCFS being placed, right after you (Josh) and I had argued, as well as the time frames and situations within the DCFS claim themselves, I had assumed it was you or your family. If that is incorrect, I truly apologize. The situation with my claim on the children’s hygiene came because of the condition the children were in upon a couple of their returns as well as Joslynn being upset for a couple of days that she wasn’t able to shower or brush her teeth. I know that sometimes time can get away from us and it can be that you have 1,000 things to do in a day but only have time to do 850 of them. So I do understand. We have all ran into that from time to time and I am certain that on those occasions where the children were retuned smelling a little off and their teeth having plaque on them, that is probably what had happened.


I must admit was a little hurt though when it came time for the Boys’ baptism that that I was not included in the preparation or being able to participate in the events on the actual day except for having my brother take part in being in the circle. I do wish you would have allowed me opportunity and the ability to do more, but that is also one of the things I have forgiven you for and all that I ask is when it comes time to do that again, wither it be this same situation for Joslynn or something completely different, please allow me the ability to participate and please don’t take that joy away from me. Thank you very much.

In all honesty, I really wish we could get along better. I wish we could do the kids’ Birthday Parties together, go to dinner for Birthdays together or even catch a kids’ move together every once in a while. In my family, Birthday parties for the kids everyone comes. My parents (all of them) and all the aunts, uncles and cousins get together on the childrens’ Birthdays or after and we do one combined party for the family. I don’t know if this will be an option in the future, but I think it would be good for the kids if we can show them that we can get along, be friends and throw parties together. I know that we can let the past stay in the past and have birthday parties for the kids together and I know that WE could refrain and not say any harsh words, make rude jesters or glares to each others parents and I bet we could ask OUR family to do the same for the sake of OUR kids. If they cannot honor those wishes by BOTH set of families (Josh, Monica and Sandi), then I don’t think those adults should come but the children should all still be welcome. Now with the movie thing, I’m not saying a monthly thing, maybe one even a 6 month thing, just every once in a while to show the kids the right way to live and care for others.

I want both of you to know that I do love OUR kids, with every bit of my heart. They are my best friends, my heart, my sole, my light, my life, my EVERYTHING and I swear to you and to the world that I WOULD NEVER LET ANYTHING BAD HAPPEN TO THEM because without them I am nothing. I know you both feel the same way.


Thank you for your time and devotion.

May God bless you both and the baby.

Sandi